Lower Neuroticism: Breakthrough Emotional Regulation by Engineering Procedures

How to lower neuroticism and be more decisive? Engineer procedures.

Root solution: engineer procedures, and use them consistently. Like a support playbook.

How

• Given any repeated challenge or decision, engineer a procedure:
  • Come up with a bunch of solutions
  • Test it on a few data points
  • Practice using the procedure on a bunch of points
• Whenever an applicable challenge comes up (especially in the first few days), use the procedure.

For in-the-moment tactics, see my First Aid Kit for strong emotions.

Inner states

Anxiety

• Confusion → plan ahead
• Overwhelm → focus on what serves you
• Reactiveness → plan ahead your main focus!
• Adrenaline → 4x6x6: {4 sec in, 6 sec out} × 6
• Isolation → touch and talk (hugs, therapy, etc.)

Self-doubt

• Press your thumb into the inside of the second knuckle of your middle finger. This summons good vibes!

Overwhelm

• Visualize stepping into a golden, glittering Circle of Excellence.

Envy

• Write a thank-you card.

Fear of commitment, responsibility, rejection, or failure (WIP)

• Loss pain → what will I gain?
• Process pain → how can I enjoy this?
• Outcome pain → how can I grow from this?

Disappointment

• Step into your ideal self.
• See emotional resistance.

Decision making

Analysis paralysis interrupts

• If I put a gun to your head and you must do an action today, what would you do?
• How would you advise a friend on the question?

Emotional resistance: you want to do the thing, but feel conflicted about it

Examples: hitting “publish”, approaching a person, asking a question, getting out of bed.

1. Notice the desire to do the thing.
2. Notice the resistance.
   • Welcome the resistant part.
   • Ask it for its intended outcome.
   • Thank it for its intended outcome.
   • Infuse this intended outcome, and ask it to step aside for now.
3. Do the thing.

Change of heart: doubting a prior commitment

• If it’s FIRE (Spencer Greenberg): Fast, Irrelevant, Repetitious, or Evolutionary → trust what your gut says.
• Else:
  • Write down a list of uncertainties (time-box to 10 min)
  • Go about answering them
  • Write down potential contacts (time-box to 10 min)
  • Write the message (time-box to 10 min)

Psychological flexibility

When stuck in a decision, ask yourself:

• Will this matter in five years?
• What would I advise a friend in this situation?
• What’s the worst that could happen if I make an imperfect choice?

Making a major decision

• Multi-option decision: the Decisive book’s WRAP process.

  

• Evaluating individual opportunities:
  • If FIRE → trust what your gut says. It’s either a hell yeah or a hell no.
  • Else → Brendon Burchard’s TERMS < RRFPL: Time + Energy + Resources + Money + Sanity invested must be < ROI + ROR + FV + PD + Lifestyle.

Learning

Integrating procedures and habits

• Write it down.
• Write the context: when will I use it, how will I use it, why must I use it.
• Write it down deeper, e.g. create a flow chart.
• Craft a memory palace for it, for even deeper processing.

Committed to planning ahead, but abandoned the project

• Planning ahead: Murphyjitsu. What may reduce my interest in the project? How could I increase interest?
• Working on the project:
  • State the goal (1 min)
  • State all the whys (1 min)
  • Deeply visualize the ideal future self: the aligned vision and values (3 min)