Questions to Get to Know Someone
Questions I genuinely want answered at this stage of my life. They keep my conversations from running on autopilot.
They go roughly from lighter to deeper. Each level checks a different kind of fit: shared interests, shared values, and a shared sense of where life is going.
Small talk
interests alignment
- What are some of the most exciting events or groups you’re involved in? Why?
- What kinds of things inspire you?
- What outcomes do you want to achieve this year? Why?
Friendship
values alignment
- What do you value in friendships? What are the best ways they add to your life?
- If you could design a personal set of social norms for how your friends interact with you, what would they be?
- How would other people describe you? How does that compare to how you want to be perceived?
Depth
vision alignment
- What makes you feel alive? How are you steering toward aliveness this coming week?
- What do you truly, deeply desire out of life? What are your core desired feelings?
- What are your highest values? What would it take for you to express them 10% more this week?
- You have a final performance review at the end of your life. What will you be asked? How will you answer?
On any of these, keep asking “why?”, up to seven times.