Connection Games
These are the games I use when I host. They’re simple, structured ways to practice being present, getting curious about each other, and talking honestly.
Some come from Authentic Relating, and others are get-to-know-you question decks I’ve picked up along the way. Feel free to borrow any of them.
Approach
Authentic Relating is a practice of paying attention to what’s happening between people while it’s happening. Its intention is to help us know each other, and ourselves, more honestly. Five practices sit underneath the games:
The five practices
- Welcome everythingLet whatever comes up, in you or in others, be part of the conversation.
- Assume nothingWhen you catch yourself filling in a story about someone, ask them instead.
- Reveal your experienceShare what’s going on for you, even when it feels small or awkward.
- Own your experienceSpeak from “I,” and treat your reactions as your own.
- Honor self and otherLook after your own needs while respecting everyone else’s.
Games
Opening
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Intros whole group
Everyone shares their name, what they did that day, and one fun or interesting fact about themselves. It’s a quick way to hear every voice in the room early on.
From Authentic Relating
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Anybody Else? whole group
Anyone calls out something true about themselves, and everyone it’s also true for raises a hand. Then whoever wants to go next calls out another. The rounds move quickly, and people are often surprised by how much they have in common.
Variant: play it like musical chairs. Everyone it’s true for switches seats, and whoever’s left standing says the next one. -
Noticing pairs
Partners take turns saying what they notice in themselves right now: a sensation, an emotion, an impulse, or a thought. It sounds simple, but staying with your own moment-to-moment experience takes practice.
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Curiosity pairs
One partner asks the other questions out of genuine curiosity, following whatever interests them most instead of working through a list. It shows the difference between interviewing someone and getting to know them.
Get-to-know-you questions
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We’re Not Really Strangers pairs or small groups
Take turns drawing a card and answering the question on it.
Deck: Existential Questions -
Inquisition pairs
An app of introspective questions about love, connection, and what holds us back. It works well in pairs, and it’s easy to keep playing on your own afterward.
Agreements
I read these out at the start so everyone knows the ground rules.
- Pass freelyYou can pass on any prompt, and you don’t need to explain why.
- ConfidentialityWhat people share stays in the room, but you’re welcome to take what you learned about yourself.
- Self-careTake a break, step outside, or sit out a round whenever you need to.
Keep playing
If you want to go further:
- Neel Nanda on making friends: includes his shortened take on the 36 Questions, about nine prompts covering how others see you, what excites you, your life story, the traits you admire, your insecurities, and what you value in friendship.
- 36 Questions for Increasing Closeness, the full original set
- Supercommunicators, by Charles Duhigg (my notes)