What I Reach For

Steady.

When I just need help, before I know what’s going on

• Two inhales through the nose, one long exhale.
• Where do I feel this? Just notice it.
• Feet on the floor. Name one thing I can see.
• What’s the next physical action?

Now: is my energy too much, too little, or stuck? ↑

Intensity.

When I have a strong feeling

• What am I feeling? Am I okay to sit with it?
• Slow down, sense my body, name what’s there, then choose.somatic wheel
• Anxious? Say “I’m excited.” What, specifically, am I excited about?
• Where do I feel this? Name the sensation. Let the story go for now.
• Two inhales through the nose, one long exhale. One to three times.physiological sigh

Full guide: Emotional First Aid →

Overwhelm.

When there’s too much at once

• Too many things, or too many feelings?
• Things? Write them all down first. Prioritize second.
• Feelings? Which am I holding back? Name them one at a time, and let each pass.
• What actually serves me here?

Noise.

When it’s loud and crowded

• Step out for two minutes: outside, a quiet corner, a bathroom.
• Earplugs in. Less input is allowed.
• Exhale longer than I inhale.
• One thing I see, one I hear, one I feel.
• Find the edge of the room, or one person, instead of the whole room.
• Leaving early is a fine outcome.

Frustration.

When things go differently than I expected

• Still hot? Exhale, move, then think.
• What did I expect? What happened? Which can I still change: my expectation, or what comes next?
• Is this about fairness? What do I need underneath it?
• What’s in my control in the next ten minutes?
• Will this matter in a week?

Friction.

When I disagree with someone, or we’re clashing

• Do I need to win this, or be understood?
• Slower and quieter than I feel like going.
• Agree with what’s true in their view first.
• “I see it a bit differently.” Then one point, not five.
• Ask what they mean before I answer what I think they meant.
• In a group? Is this the room for it? It can wait for one-on-one.

Apathy.

When I’ve lost interest, or everything feels flat

• Is it this project, or am I empty?
• Empty? Goals can wait. Move, breathe, or be with someone.
• Just this project? Say the goal in one sentence.
• Say why it matters, in as many reasons as come.
• Picture the version of me this serves.
• Before the next one: what might drain my interest, and how would I refill it?

Groups.

When I’m in a group conversation

• I don’t have to carry this. Silence is allowed.
• Is there a two-person conversation inside this one? Go there.
• Ask the easy question, then go one level deeper with whoever bites.
• Battery check: what is this costing me, one to ten?
• Listening is participating.
• Ready to go? “I’m going to head out. This was lovely.”

Setbacks.

After something didn’t go well

• Too raw? This can wait until tomorrow. Today, be kind to myself.
• If I replay this, the one thing I change is ___.
• What was in my control, and what wasn’t?
• What would I tell a friend this happened to?
• Is this one data point, or a pattern?
• An interview? Name the biggest gap, then write three “next time” rules.

Stalled.

When I can’t start, or something in me resists

• What’s the next physical action?“Open the doc and write one sentence” passes. “Work on essay” doesn’t.
• Running on empty? The bare minimum counts. What’s the smallest version?
• Five minutes, then notice where it goes wrong.
• What’s aversive here? Change the plan so it isn’t.
• Something resisting? Welcome it instead of pushing. What is it protecting?
• Still stuck: find someone to work alongside.body doubling

Resistance, in full: Emotional Regulation →

Choosing.

When I’m choosing what to do, or deciding

• What gets me closest to the next milestone of one of my projects?
• Which task, done first, makes the others easier?
• If I had to act today, what would I do?
• How would I advise a friend?
• Instead of A or B, could I do both?WRAP
• Have I made peace with every outcome?

Full guide: How I Make Decisions →

Stumped.

When I’m stuck on a hard problem, or a process keeps failing

• Finish “This problem is about…”, then ask who’s solved one like it.
• What’s the penultimate step before the goal?
• Name my assumptions. Challenge one.
• Too many constraints? Solve for the tightest one alone, then add the others one by one.
• Process keeps failing? Why didn’t it work? So I need one that avoids ___.
• Walk away to something dull, then write down whatever surfaces.

Fear.

When I’m afraid to commit

• Afraid of losing something? What will I gain?
• Dreading the process? How can I enjoy it?
• Afraid of the outcome? How can I grow from it?

Joining.

When I want to join a room or a conversation

• Pick three words for how I want to be here.Brendon Burchard
• Feet on the floor, one long exhale. Then walk in.
• Find one person, not the whole room. Who’s at the edge, or on their own?
• Joining a circle? Stand at the edge and listen. Nod, laugh, wait for a pause.
• Opening line: “Mind if I join? What are you all talking about?”
• Add to their thread before starting a new one. Ask about what they just said.

Holding space.

When I’m holding space for someone

• What would make this feel worthwhile for you today?Ask at the start, and refer back to it at the close.
• How are you showing up today?
• I’m noticing a few threads. What’s most pressing for you?
• Switching modes? Name it: “Let’s shift into coaching on X.”
• My story borrows their attention. Keep it short.
• When they say wrap up, wrap up in 60–90 seconds.

Depth.

When I’m going deeper with someone

• Why are they telling me this? What makes it a problem for them?
• Three to five questions before I offer a take.
• “It seems like there’s a feeling of X here. What’s true about that?”
• What does this mean to you? What else can you say about that?
• How does this land for you?
• Resistance? “What does staying the same cost? What’s the upside of changing?”motivational interviewing

Curiosity.

When I’m getting to know someone

• What makes you feel alive?
• What do you value in friendships?
• Keep asking “why?”, up to seven times.

Full list: Questions to Get to Know Someone →

Debrief.

After time with someone

• Am I more energized or more drained than before?
• How did my body feel while we were together?
• What side of me did they bring out?
• What surprised me?
• What am I still curious about them?

Planning.

When I’m looking ahead, or making a plan

• Ideal next 90 days: what happens? Why is it great?
• My wish, the best outcome, the inner obstacle, then the plan.WOOP
• Write it as a trigger: “When ___, I will ___.”TAP
• Imagine it failed. What’s the most likely reason? Patch that now.premortem
• What fear would make me stop short?

Day’s end.

At the end of the day

• What was one good question I asked today?
• What did I do that lined up with what I care about?